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Paul Drockton: Mitt Romney Meets God (Satire)
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God: "Mr. Romney, its a pleasure to see both of you again."

Mitt Romney: "Wait a minute... who is this other guy, and why does he look just like me?"

God: "Er, this is awkward. Mitt, meet your Doppelganger, Franz."

Mitt: "My doppelwhat? What are you trying to pull here?"

God: Well, er, you see, up here we knew that a "Real" Mormon would never make it to the White House. Too many family values and that sort of thing. So we created Franz".

Mitt: "That would explain the blackouts and the time I spent locked up in my parent's basement. What is he, (looking at Franz), some kind of evil genius?"

God: "Well, we had to work with what we had, so you are correct about the evil part. The way we had it planned, you Mitt would give the speeches, kiss the babies, and be the front man for the campaign. Franz, on the other hand, would attend the fundraisers, meet the lobbyists and handle the Romney financial empire."

Mitt: "No wonder I can't remember anything about slashing American jobs, supporting abortion and gay rights, trashing the Bill of Rights, Romneycare, or the other bad stuff they say I did. Franz, you turned me into a criminal lying Sociopath! Have you no soul, man!?"

God: "About that, we decided that Franz would follow the plan more effectively if we created him without a soul. It seems that American politicians advance better without one." True empathy is a political weakness it seems.

Mitt: "If that were true, Franz here would have won the election."

God: "It gets, er, a little complicated. To save on money, Franz decided to down-size you from the campaign. It was an unforseen consequence, one we should have anticipated. It seems that Franz here doesn't like sharing the spotlight...."

Mitt: This is a disaster! Thank you for ruining my life!

God: "With you, er, out of the picture, the American people were left with only the true face of evil. They had no choice."

Mitt: Obama?

God: "It seems that Mr. Obama's doppelganger took him out back in Chicago. Had him "whacked" it seems. Its why he uses a teleprompter and tries not to appear in public."

Mitt: Why Me Lord? (sighs)

God: "We were going to use Donnie Osmond, but we had already created Marie. They were needed in Hollywood anyway.

Mitt: "Fine! So what happens now?"

God: "Well, technically, you haven't done anything bad. Come to think of it, you haven't done anything good either.... any problem  hanging out with Jimmy Carter or Herbert Hoover?"

Mitt: "Sigh."


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