God: "Welcome Mr. Gingrich. I am sure that you are aware that this meeting has been on your agenda for some time now.
Newt: "Absolutely, "Your Honor", May I call you "Your Honor"? I have brought the necessary signatures and endorsements to guarantee my position, I am sure you will find them in order.
God: "Wait a minute, this one is signed by Rush Limbaugh, doesn't he work for Romney and Clear Channel now?"
Newt: "Actually, he worked for me before he ever heard of Romney. A lot of the others did as well."
God: "I see. Well, lets get on with it, shall we?"
Newt: "I also brought my "Contract With Eternity". 15 Points that will make heaven that much better.
God: "Hmmm. Wait a minute, this one calls for "An Open Relationship with God"....
Newt: "Its something I tried with my second wife down on earth. It keeps the relationship healthy, so we don't end up divorced.
You see, there's just too much Newt and not enough God."
God: "Unbelieveable, are you suggesting that I permit you to split your time between both heaven and hell?"
Newt: "No, not at all. You see, "Big Newt" will always stay in heaven, its "Little Newt" I'm worried about.
God: "How did that work out for your second wife, by the way? Didn't you divorce her on her sickbed for your mistress?"
Newt: No, no, no, you've got that wrong! It was a compromise. "Little Newt" kept the mistress. "Big Newt" will always cherish ol "What's her name" right here (Points to his heart).
God: Speaking of miracles, in a country where at least 50% of the voters are women, many have been dumped by their husbands and raised their kids alone, without child support, you still got them to vote for you as President?
Newt: "See, they get it! Why can't you?
God: Fair enough. We'll give you a shot. I've called together a fair sampling of the citizenry up here. If you can get 51% of their vote, you're in.
Newt: OK, its a deal....Hey, wait a minute, what's my ex-wife doing here?
God: Oh, sorry, I forgot to tell you. She's your opponent in this race....
